goodeveningeurope

A man without our love

In previous years, review, United Kingdom on April 2, 2012 at 12:32

Dear God. If we promise to not crucify Jesus this year, could you please hand that Eurovisional green card to someone else than UK?

Ok, so we get it. UK is ahead of trends. Our population is aging. And Azerbaijan doesn’t have much to offer to those young, hot boys this year anyways as the gay crowd tends to boycott those who boycott them (and bless them for that). Better to keep those eye candies at home then and show the Azers just how stuck in history they really are.The first time we heard about Engelbert Humperdinck we actually thought he had arrived straight from the imagination of J.K. Rowling. But really, that’s awarding him way too much credit. This thing’s older than Aldus Dumbledore and hairier than Julio Iglesias senior in season. We so wish we could hide him forever inside the wall of King’s cross station.

But here he is, fronting the fast track line for the finals. This is actually worse than the brats lurking around the stage in D-town (not that we would want to bring that up again) (but Jesus Christ, that was horrible) (Oh, sorry, won’t mention Jesus again in such manners, we do want God to remain happy and fulfill our wish). It wouldn’t even have been good 20 years ago, when Johnny Loagan was way over of your league. You’re an old man who can deliever a ballad, we’re sure the nursing home will be happy to have you.

We’re really just so tired of BBC pissing all over Eurovision. Why can’t you show us some decent music, peepz? We mean, you are the country that gave us The Beatles, Adele and PJ Harvey, we know you can do better than cholera. And cholera we don’t deserve. Please behave next time.

So goddamn Amen to that.

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  1. Bring back Scooch! At least we get the UK song over early in the contest and can look forward to Toojis thighs x

  2. If, absurdly, there was to be a eurovision review contest I’m sure I wouldn’t need to look any further than this.
    Uk has long been one of my eurovision hatreds – the other being Denmark I’m afraid -, as a country which being highly regarded and at times highly rewarded has never once succeeded in sending an entry I could enjoy, not to mention favour. Which is, as you rightly point out, rather remarkable considering all the good music they are known to produce.

    So it is nothing but music to my ears to read such Norwegian violence being thus thrust upon them. Go get them girls!

    As to the humperdink character, your brilliant suggestion as to his having come out of J.K. Rowlling imagination can’t really be that far off from the truth. Maybe it’s just the other way around: I’m sure he could be the woman’s great grand father. And maybe that’s why he’s there, still singing, unbelievable as that may seem. The old bat’s a witch, haunting eurovision by means of some kind of black magic ,an evil trick that runs in the family.

    Should that be the case, god help us all and mind the final scoreboard!

    • Eurovision review contest, we like that! Where can we sign up? You should get your own ESC blog btw. We would become regular followers:-)

      We rather like Denmark in Eurovision. But we passionately H A T E D their entry in 2010 though. Yuck. And we’re not too crazy about this years’ effort either. They seem to be running on empty. Review of Soluna coming up soon:-)

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